On her blog "One Hot Mess Alaska," Ms. Bakalar posts about many topics, including parenting, Alaska, food, her NYC childhood, and politics.
Ms. Bakalar is very funny. She is clever and talented and it is no wonder that her blog has received a lot of attention.
However, she is completely serious about her political views and often mocks people who do not share her world view. And although she claims that she is not affiliated with any political party, her liberal bias is completely obvious from her posts.
Note: Ms. Bakalar claims she is not sharing political opinions on her blog but simply discussing "human rights" issues. Right.
Here are samples of Ms. Bakalar's blog posts with excerpts below each linked post:
Note: My words are outlined in blue or green; all other words and all photos are Ms. Bakalar's and are excerpts from her blog.
A. Ms. Bakalar's opinions on Alaskan political issues:
1. She is against a petition to overturn the Anchorage ordinance banning discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. She calls Jim Minnery (of the Alaska Family Council) and his supporters LOSERS and implies that anyone who wants to overturn this ordinance is closeted.
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2017/01/many-people-are-saying-that-people-who.html
The Municipality of Anchorage should put an immediate end to all sex and bathroom use, public OR private, until the authorities can figure out what is going on up there. I've never seen a straight, God-fearing, cisgender man think THIS much, THIS hard, and for THIS long about gay sex, transgender bathroom use, and church all at the same time.
I say NO WAY! This is BIGLY suspicious!
The dishonest media is trying to make the attempted repeal of an LGBTQ antidiscrimination ordinance in Anchorage all about freedom of religion. WRONG! There is not one example of a toilet or a gay couple standing in the way of anyone else's free exercise of religion!
I'm not saying Jim Minnery and his supporters are LOSERS who are hiding deep, complicated emotions about their own sexual orientations, gender identity, feelings, and urges, but I'm not saying they're NOT LOSERS who are hiding complicated emotions about their own sexual orientations, gender identity, feelings, and urges either.
Again, that's for the people to decide.
2. Ms. Bakalar loves that the Kenai Borough Assembly meeting was opened with a Satanic Invocation given by a Satan worshipper because this is a refreshing change from "boring old white toast Christians or the rare stray Jew." [Posted on a Friday at 10:56 a.m. See the Post titled "Ms. Bakalar mixes business with pleasure" about Ms. Bakalar's habit of posting blog posts during regular working hours.]
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/08/satan-comes-to-alaska.html
"Satanic Invocation Opens Kenai Peninsula Borough Assembly Meeting." That was the headline of an article in yesterday's Alaska Dispatch News.
Long story short, per Dispatch reporter Annie Zak, the Kenai Borough Assembly has a tradition of reading religious invocations before each meeting (God only knows why), and in an effort to make these prayers more equitable, the Assembly opened them up to everyone (not just boring old white toast Christians or the rare, stray Kenai-based Jew).
So who should come out of the woods but an honest-to-God devil worshiper representing the "Satanic Temple." Iris Fontana gave the invocation on behalf of the Anti-Christ like a fuckin' BOSS...
Ms. Bakalar goes on to praise (tongue in cheek) hipsters, lawyers/legislators, and marijuana as devilish.
3. Ms. Bakalar believes that the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association's visit to Juneau and their public prayers may be well intended but they are actually spreading hatred and violence against fellow human beings. [Note: Ms. Bakalar, an atheist and cultural/ethnic Jew, is quick to criticize Christians and Christianity but never seems to criticize Muslims or Islam despite the fact that these two religions have similar views on LGBTQ issues.] [Posted on a Friday at 12:10 p.m. (maybe she was at lunch.)]
According to a report in yesterday's Juneau Empire, there is going to be a prayer rally in Juneau today, brought to us by the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.
Franklin Graham, president/CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and son of televangelist Billy Graham, is traveling to every state capital in the U.S. in a tour bus because he "believe[s] that the country is in a lot of trouble and the only answer to the problems we're facing would be to call the church back to God and to prayer."
One of this organization's platforms is that homosexuality and transgender identity are "sinful," that they can be prayed away, and that people "don't have to live like that anymore." That they can be "changed," "set free," and "forgiven."
The rally comes at a time when the Juneau assembly is considering an LGBTQ nondiscrimination ordinance supported by the vast majority of Juneauites. A spokesperson for a Juneau LGBTQ association quoted in the Empire article doesn't have a problem with the rally or the organization sponsoring it, because (and I'm paraphrasing slightly here) everyone has the right to peacefully express their opinions as long as folks remain respectful of each other and are not trying to make our community less understanding, compassionate, or diverse.
4. Ms. Bakalar congratulates the Juneau Assembly on the city's new anti-discrimination ordinance. She believes that state, local or national politicians who do not favor anti-discrimination policies (including no discrimination based on gender identity) are dicks. [Posted on a Tuesday at 9:53 a.m.]
Alaska's capital city of Juneau has bucked state, local, and national trends of elected officials consistently acting like a bag of dicks when it voted 8-1 on Monday night to enact the capital city's first anti-discrimination ordinance.
The new law prohibits discrimination based on race, color, age, religion, sex, familial status, disability, gender expression, or national origin.
5. Ms. Bakalar wants a woman picked for the Alaska Supreme Court vacancy because women are oppressed. [Posted on a Tuesday at 1:07 p.m.]
One of the comments on Judge Andrews' editorial posed an interesting question: "How is it not sexism to ask for an appointment based on sex? No different than saying 'we need a (insert race here) to the Supreme Court' would be racism, right?"
Wrong.
Allegations of "reverse sexism" (or "reverse racism" for that matter) are common, but they are specious straw men. Oppression is the sum of privilege and power. As compared to men, women do not occupy a position of privilege and power in our society, and especially not in the legal profession. So they cannot act as oppressors "reverse oppressing" men.
6. Ms. Bakalar believes that the Juneau Empire was wrong for not endorsing the retention of two Alaska Supreme Court justices because of how they decided the abortion case. She claims she would say this even if these two justices were pro-life. [Posted on a Monday at 1:48 p.m.]
Regardless of who is responsible, the newspaper's non-endorsement of judges recommended by the Alaska Judicial Council is actually more offensive than the Trump endorsement because of its local impact and civic implications.
The Empire suggests that two highly-respected Supreme Court jurists--Peter Maassen and Joel Bolger--should be fired by the people of Alaska simply for following the state and federal constitutions on abortion.
7. Ms. Bakalar drafts an open letter to Alaskan mayors in light of Trump's election asking them to denounce hate and "white supremacy" and to reaffirm that they will NOT abide by Trump's plan to enforce our immigration laws. [Posted on a Tuesday at 1:23 p.m.]
Dear Mayors Koelsch, Berkowitz, and Matherly,
I am writing to you, the mayors of Alaska’s three largest cities, to affirmatively denounce hate and white supremacy in our State and to reaffirm that you will not aid or abet Donald Trump’s threatened “mass deportations” of immigrants and refugees from your cities.
8. Ms. Bakalar believes that the Alaska legislature is not doing its job. [Posted on a Monday at 11:25 a.m. which begs the question - is Ms. Bakalar doing her job?]
The Alaska State Capitol Building was dressed in black today to mourn the end of a special session that failed to resolve the State's $3.2 billion deficit, and will bring yet another special session to the state's capital this July.
After killing several pieces of legislation meant to salvage Alaska's battered economy, the Legislature felt the least it could do was honor the deaths of these bills in particular--and of a cooperative and functional government in general--by draping a giant sheet of black mesh over the front of the Capitol Building from roof to floor, and wrapping the marble columns adorning its entryway in enormous black contractor bags.
9. Ms. Bakalar is against guns on Alaska college campuses and she has a negative view of the NRA.
Hey guys, they didn't ask for my help, but I thought I'd give it anyway. I made a few edits to the recent editorial in the Juneau Empire in support of a bill allowing guns on University of Alaska campuses, you know, just to make it a little more honest and accurate:
It’s unfortunate that legislation like Senate Bill 174 even needs to be debated. In a perfect world, there would be no threat of mal-influence at institutions of higher government and journalism. But the times we live in require unorthodox solutions to curb the trends of state legislatures and Congresses beholden to gun lobbies and ALEC, and insane editorials appearing in Alaska newspapers owned by corporations from Georgia who email their marching orders in from Atlanta.
Writing a parody of a Juneau Empire editorial in favor of SB 174, which would allow for the concealed carry of firearms and knives on University of Alaska campuses, isn't a perfect solution, but it's better than doing nothing. Nothing is essentially what Congress, state legislatures, and the media have done to address the outrageous corporate takeover of an entire branch of government by the NRA and the weapons manufacturing lobby, who together have effectively and quite successfully hijacked funding for public education and are holding it hostage like petulant, vindictive bullies until they get what they want: unfettered proliferation of assault weapons in every public space. They have not sufficiently increased funding for mental health services or improved screening to prevent the mentally ill from obtaining firearms. [sic].
10. Ms. Bakalar makes fun of the Alaska Legislature for its plan to buy a building in Anchorage.
The Alaska Legislature is poised to buy itself a giant skyscraper in Anchorage to the tune of $32M, at a time when the State is so broke that even the glaciers are moving away. But take heart Alaska--because you guys, it's actually a great deal!
11. Ms. Bakalar is not sad that a man who was outed on social media for posting about his love of female breasts lost his race for Juneau Assembly
12. Ironically, Ms. Bakalar has also posted about her appreciation for female breasts (along with dozens of photos) on her blog. It was part of her "Free the Nipple" social media campaign.
B. Ms. Bakalar's opinions on national political issues:
Note: To summarize Ms. Bakalar's dozens of posts on the 2016 Presidential campaign and national political issues - Ms. Bakalar clearly detests Donald Trump and admires Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. She uses lots of profanity and name-calling against Trump and his supporters whom she always seems to equate with Red Necks, Fundamental Christians, gun lovers, Neo Nazis and White Supremacists.....In a post the day after the election, Ms. Bakalar wrote that our country was facing a "civic disaster of unknown scale and consequence." She is afraid that Trump and his supporters want to kill millions of people just like during the Holocaust...She asked her mother for advice and her mother talked about "genocide" and "apartheid" and trying to rise up in the wake of this election...Ms. Bakalar seems to have a lot of negativity directed towards people based solely on their race and/or religious beliefs (i.e. she often rails against white men and Christians in particular)..She gives blog "lectures" about "white privilege" and "gun control" and the NRA. She is a supporter of Planned Parenthood and mocks the claims that PP sold fetal tissue for profit.
1. Ms. Bakalar's Posts about the 2016 Election:
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/12/trump-you-cray.html
One of the benefits of being Trump's 17,000,498th Twitter follower is that I have instant access to his bon mots, which is French for tweets.
And by bon mots/tweets, I mean each fetid word-turd that burbles up in his brain, travels down a synaptic nerve pathway lubed up with McDonald's hamburger grease, enters his tiny fingers, translates itself into CAPITAL LETTERS AND MISSPELLED/MADE-UP WORDS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS ON AN UNSECURED GALAXY NOTE 7!!!, blasts its way through the series of tubes known as the Internet, and lands on my eyeballs where it cannot be unseen.
It's time to take the keys away from grandpa, and by the keys I mean Twitter and by grandpa I mean Grandpa Donald Trump with a spray tan, veneers, and a corn-silk toupee. I didn't come this (read: not very) far in life only to evaporate at the hands of someone who Scotch tapes his tie, and I know you didn't either.
See?! He's not even in office, and already Trump is #MAGA MOTHAFUCKAHAAZZZZZ!!!!
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-fully-diversified-sourced-list-of-10.html
Lest we forget (or need reminding) here is a short list of shit that's happened since Trump was elected President of the United States that is, simply, NOT NORMAL. All of this is REAL NEWS from a variety of credible REAL NEWS sources.
And that's not even counting the shit he said (lock her up, build the wall, etc.) to get elected. These aren't editorials, just simple reporting. Is any of it perfect? No. But is it "lies?" Or "fake news?" Also no.
When you pluck an asshole real estate charlatan off the street and ask him to run the most complex democracy on earth, this is what happens. And he's not even in office yet.
But oh wait, all of these news sources must be lying--or as the Nazis called it, the "lugenpresse."
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/11/meet-kellyanne-newest-american-girl-tm.html
Note: Ms. Bakalar draws Trump Campaign Manager KellyAnne Conway as having "white skin, blue eyes, blonde hair, #10 boobs, swastika tattoo, confederate flag, MAGA tee" etc. [Ms. Conway is of Irish descent - is this a crime? There is zero evidence that Ms. Conway endorses Nazism or White Supremacy.]
[Here is another post where Ms. Bakalar comments negatively on person's looks - Paul Ryan.]
JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN
There's something in my eyeeeeeeeee!
Overgrown frat boy and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced that he's finally accepted Fascist Roasted Cantaloupe Donald Trump's invitation to join him at the Rich Bigot Prom this summer in Ohio, where the latter is poised to accept his party's endorsement as the country's next Batshit Crazy White Supremacist in Chief.
The announcement/acquiescence comes on the heels of much hemming and hawing on the part of the Delta Tau Delta alum, who has needed multiple "conversations" and "assurances" with and from the tender orange fruit before he'd officially let him pin a corsage on his pin-striped lapel. As recently as last week, House Bro was "just not ready" and "not there right now."
But as of today, Paul and his blue eyes, white teeth, and brunette Ken Doll coif are totes on board with the accomplished misogynist's promposal.
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/11/trump-presidency-invokes-little-known.html
Here's what it says:
Emollients Clause: "No person shall, without the provision of Vaseline, KY Jelly, lotions, or other greasy lubricating emollient fuck America really hard up the ass with bald-faced lies, incalculable greed, lack of experience, deficit of character, sociopathic tendencies, or vacuum of empathy. Nor shall such person tear the nation a gaping new asshole without sufficient emollients to mitigate the impact of such person's sixth grade vocabulary, impetuous and impulsive tweeting and mouth-running, pussy-grabbing, moral and financial bankruptcy, staggering megalomania, or generalized cruelty and incompetence.
Faced with the forthcoming and inevitable unlubricated misery of a Trump presidency, some states are "pushing" to amend the constitution to provide for life, liberty, and the pursuit of Jergens.
On the 2nd day of Christmas my POTUS gave to me, 2 lies on Twitter, 3 trophy wives, 4 Hispanic taco bowls, 5 airplane gropings, 6 SAD DISASTERS, 7 orange spray tans, 8 baseless lawsuits, 9 neo-Nazis, 10 beauty pageants, 11 chapter 11s, and a bankrupt Atlantic City.
On the first day of Christmas my POTUS gave to me, 1 tiny penis, 2 lies on Twitter, 3 trophy wives, 4 Hispanic taco bowls, 5 airplane gropings, 6 SAD DISASTERS, 7 orange spray tans, 8 baseless lawsuits, 9 neo-Nazis, 10 beauty pageants, 11 chapter 11s, and a bankrupt Atlantic City.
If I'm being honest, I was born this way.
I tell myself it's the election, and it is. Of course it is. This week, anyway. What with young, "dapper" Neo-Nazis in Washington, D.C. And the people right here in my very own zip code.
The people who inarguably (yes, sorry/not sorry, inarguably) were just "meh" about white supremacy. Walking among me and my children daily with their blonde hair and blue eyes; my own daughter passing behind the safety of these same traits, despite her 100% fictitious, constructed Semitic "bloodline" going back on both sides, unbroken, for centuries.
This is NOT your racist grandpa's white supremacy movement! Get a load of these hotties finally getting what's theirs in D.C. And hold onto your panties, because RRROWWWR!
With the quasi-election of Donald Trump to the U.S. Presidency, a long-persecuted and marginalized group--white men--have at last found their voice in Washington.
And not just any white men, but white men who would like to see America turn into Berlin circa 1935, where only people of Anglo-Saxon descent and the purest, whitest, blondest, most mayonnaise-saturated bloodlines are permitted within the borders of our Great Nation.
Goodbye brown people and immigrants who assemble their Arby's prime rib sandwiches, because these repressed babes are about to get what's coming to them: someone with blue eyes and meth-teeth making their Arby's prime rib sandwiches instead!
BOOM! That'll show 'em.
And the best part? They are SMOKIN' HOT! Say goodbye to that boring old Casper the (Un)Friendly Ghost white hood and weird Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter titles like "Grand Wizard Dragon," because the new "alt-right" is a hip reboot of all that old school, dated white supremacy.
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, unless that law stops gay people from buying Christian people's wedding cakes, prohibiting the free exercise thereof, unless it's Islam and maybe Judaism; or abridging the freedom of speech, as long as that speech is swastika graffiti and not booing the Vice President at a musical, or of the press, as long as the press continues to report on plate memes and kittens on a 24 hour loop instead of complicated and scary stuff like Russia engaging in cyber warfare to manipulate American democracy; or the right of the white people peaceably to assemble at a Trump rally, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances and get a pleasant staffer on the phone whose boss has no intention of ever redressing a single grievance.
Amendment II
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed ever under any circumstances, even if it means a classroom full of kindergarteners gets annihilated by a psychopath in 30 seconds, and despite the fact that no one who ever suggested that might be a bad thing ever took a single gun away from anyone.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, unless you are living while black or brown, in which case all bets are off, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized, again unless you're black or brown.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people, so be thankful for small favors because God knows the federal government is about to fuck you in the ass so hard you'll need colorectal surgery (paid for out of pocket, of course).
I asked my mother for more election-based therapy, because frankly I continue to need it. I've been letting myself get baited into self-destructive fights (and picking them)--mostly online--with old friends and acquaintances. I've been intentionally avoiding in-person contact with Known Trumpites, but my rage and upset keeps spilling over everywhere.
For example, I got into a stupid Facebook messenger argument late at night about protests with an old friend who works in law enforcement. I know he didn't vote for Trump, but he was criticizing misbehaving protesters, since that's his professional perspective. I told him I was more concerned about a Neo-Nazi in the White House, and lashed out that this clearly wasn't a concern for him as a Christian white man. He accused me of playing the "victim" and "the race card" and I guess some other cards.
I was upset and began to despair about how much this election has already frayed my interpersonal relationships, mostly by my own doing. I realize that I have a lot of anger and frustration. I'm having trouble relating to and interacting with people who don't see what just happened as totally calamitous, which I realize remains to be seen.
I also know that ultimately this is a self-destructive, divisive way to feel and behave: getting into arguments online with trolls and close friends alike--instead of putting my phone down and taking action in real life.
So I asked my 71 year-old mom for more advice. Here's what she said, reprinted with permission:
Despair and depression about Trump's election is conceding victory to him not only for the next four years, but even beyond that. Fighting makes much more sense to me, and that's why I feel angry and activated rather than despairing. I don't know if the structures of our democracy can withstand the assault, but I want to be part of the effort to withstand it.
Since a majority of people in the U.S. did not vote for Trump, I think that over time we have a chance to move beyond this outcome, and even if we don't succeed, it will feel better to resist than to become immobilized or self-destructive.
Human nature contains incredible ugliness. We have engaged in murderous behavior all over the world and since the beginning of recorded history. Working in South Africa shortly after the end of Apartheid and in Rwanda 15 years post genocide has shown me that, nonetheless, it is also possible to rise up above the horrible acts we have committed and focus on healing. Our greatest heroes have shown us that this is what we must strive for even when it looks like the odds are against us.
I'm also affected by my childhood experience. I was so numb and lost by the time I entered foster care. I realized my very survival depended on strangers who had no real connection to me. It was so important to hold onto whatever energy I could muster to forge on and hope that somewhere down the road it would be better for me. That's why I fight against paralysis and giving up.
Also, I admired my mother for her drive to do her best even as she was slowly dying. I'm certainly not a Pollyanna, so I'm not minimizing your concerns. I'm only arguing against throwing your hands up and accepting that all there is to do is accept that we are totally doomed. Evil needs to be fought against, whether it's in one's own family (like my very own aunts and uncles) or in a large and powerful government, like the situation we face right now.
If I believed I was at risk of being killed, I would move somewhere else. But right now I live in a well-armed city that mostly hates Donald Trump. The residents of Trump Towers along the fancy west side of Manhattan have voted to have his name removed and that's what will happen since he doesn't own the buildings.
Yay for tiny victories, and I'm going to do my best to be a part of more important struggles.
http://onehotmessalaska.blogspot.com/2016/11/things-people-are-entitled-to-in.html
1. Shitting in their own hand.
2. Putting their dick in a donut.
3. Watching all three Jackass movies and re-enacting every scene in order.
4. Competitive hot dog eating.
5. Calling themselves Carlos Danger and sending the world a picture of their boner.
6. Playing Russian roulette.
7. Fucking each other in Barney the Purple Dinosaur costumes.
8. Playing Pokemon Go until they get hit by a bus.
9. Paying money to listen to Justin Bieber.
10. Thinking this tweet storm from the elected leader of the free world is remotely normal.
So next time someone tries to justify a trash AF opinion with "everyone is entitled to their own opinion," maybe read them this list of what else they're entitled to.
I emailed the following letter to the mayors of Alaska's three major cities today. Feel free to cut and paste this, send it yourself, circulate it, share it, whatever you need to do to get a strong public statement from our biggest cities' mayors that Alaska's largest population centers will NOT stand for hate and/or "mass deportations."
Dear Mayors Koelsch, Berkowitz, and Matherly,
I am writing to you, the mayors of Alaska’s three largest cities, to affirmatively denounce hate and white supremacy in our State and to reaffirm that you will not aid or abet Donald Trump’s threatened “mass deportations” of immigrants and refugees from your cities.
Since the election of Donald Trump to the Presidency last week, there has been a sharp increase in hate crimes and acts of race and ethnic based violence all over the country. All Alaskans, regardless of their political beliefs and regardless of who they voted for, should be appalled at these developments. They threaten not just their targets, but each and every one of us and our entire concept of democracy and equality.
I have lived in Bethel, Palmer, and now Juneau since 2006. Alaska has long been a haven of liberty, individual freedoms, and diversity. Urban Alaska has large immigrant and refugee populations who are surely feeling a great deal of fear and anxiety in the country’s current hostile climate.
I recognize that Alaska voted overwhelmingly for Donald Trump, but this is not a political issue. It is a human rights issue.
Warning: Stop reading immediately if you: (1) have NOT seen The Princess Bride AND; (2) are NOT in the "Pit of Despair" about 'Murica 2016. If you troll me on this post, I'll know you didn't heed my warning, and I will not engage.
Still with me? Okay.
I won't lie: I've been in my own little Pit of Despair this entire week, but after much thought, tears, hand-wringing, and conversations with like-minded people, I have made three concrete resolutions on how to move forward in the
Are you a "white liberal" who woke up on November 10 to the shocking fact that white supremacy is alive and well in America? Are you a "person of color" who knew this all along? Did some of your "family" die in the "Holocaust?" Are you a "survivor" of "sexual assault?" Are you a "conservative" who is troubled by the appointment of an "unrepentant white nationalist" to a major "White House" position? One who ran a "news site" with the below listed headlines? And whose appointment everyone is treating as completely fucking "normal?" And as "politics" as usual instead of MAYBE a tiny bit of a "human rights" problem?
Well you're in "luck," because O.H.M. has the music you NEED to get you through these tough times with the Ultimate Neo-Fascism Playlist!
While you're wringing your hands trying to figure out what else to do with the imminent and insidious Coming of the Third Reich in America, you might as well bide your time doing what all of us apparently do better than anything else: Fiddle around with electronics while our proverbial Rome burns to the ground!
Here are five great tunes that belong on everyone's Neo-Fascism playlist!
1. Black Boys on Mopeds (Sinead O'Connor): Among other things, this song is about the 1983 death of Colin Roach, a 21 year-old black British man who was shot by police and whose death was allegedly covered up by the State. Here are some choice lyrics from the song that will get you FUCKIN' PUMPED for suppression of the free press, mass-gaslighting, and all of the sleeping sheep who tell you all of this is normal: "I've said this before now/You said I was childish and you'll say it now/Remember what I told you/If they hated me they will hate you/These are dangerous days/To say what you feel is to lay your own grave." YES, BITCHES!!
5. Behind the Wall (Tracy Chapman): This one goes out to all you rape and domestic violence survivors and "feminazis" who now have a confessed sexual assailant in charge of her country. Good thing Tracy Chapman has some words about that: "Last night I heard the screaming/Loud voices behind the wall/Another sleepless night for me/Won't do no good to call/The police always come late if they come at all/Last night I heard the screaming/A silence that chilled my soul/I prayed that I was dreaming/When I saw the ambulance in the road." COME ON, IT DOES NOT GET BETTER THAN THIS. DOESN'T THIS SONG GET YOU FUCKING AMPED FOR NORMALIZATION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND DV?!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS PEOPLE. History repeats itself folks, and so does a Playlist on shuffle!
WOOT!
In the words of Teju Cole, "evil settles into everyday life when people are unable or unwilling to recognize it. It makes its home among us when we are keen to minimize it or describe it as something else."
Well, I for one am not keen to minimize it or describe it as something else, and I am willing to call it out whenever and wherever I see it, no matter the consequences.
Well, they are about to find out the hard way how truly wrong things can get, divine intervention notwithstanding. Because sadly, this is no game. Far from it. The analogy is fatally flawed.
They don't see that this is not about winning and losing, unless you're talking about losing democracy as we know it. They don't see that this will make their lives miserable, too, and soon. Trump isn't going to sprinkle the country with new industrial jobs, build a wall on the border, keep factories from going to Mexico, and rid America of brown people.
In short, white hate will be white hot, empowered, emboldened, condoned, and rabidly violent all over America. If this doesn't terrify you, it should.
Some of my family members died in the Holocaust. Just a few of some six million Jews. But a footnote in history is that Hitler killed 14 million other people, too. NOT just Jews, NOT just ethnic undesirables, but disabled people, gay people, political adversaries and dissidents as well, leaving behind a gutted continent and an Aryan nation that ultimately cannibalized itself; and the few who remained fled to all corners of the globe to escape prosecution for war crimes, mostly unsuccessfully.
"It can happen here, it must never happen here." Every American Jew knows this refrain. Every single one. It's as ingrained as any passage in the bible. We all heard it growing up.
And how can it happen?
By staying silent, refusing to bear witness, refusing to say this is not normal, and this is not okay. Deciding to just go on with our lives as though the election of an incompetent autocrat with a strong following of vocal white supremacists (and silent white supremacist enablers) slowly takes root like a cancer in the American body politic.
And by the time we diagnose ourselves, we are on our death bed.
If you think I'm exaggerating, then you're in the company of many people I know, including my own spouse. And all I can tell you is go read a history book and don't buy into the myth of American exceptionalism. No democracy is immune from individuals hell bent on assaulting its infrastructure. No society is immune from hate.
And if none of this even concerns you, then I'm sorry, but you're asleep at the wheel and we don't have much in common. But if you, like me, oppose hate in all its forms then we must all bear witness. Each and every one of us, today and every day of a Trump presidency.
For this is not normal, and this is not okay.
A landmark study published today in the New England Journal of Medicine has proved conclusively that the gene for empathy is largely absent in people with deficient melanin in their skin.
"The results are truly fascinating and have confirmed a long-held hypothesis," said Dr. Tim Smith, geneticist at Oxford University and lead author on the study.
According to the results of the study, melanin, the pigment that makes skin and hair not white, apparently does not travel on the same chromosome with empathy.
"The less melanin a person has," Dr. Smith explained, "the less likely they are to feel empathy toward others and be able to put themselves in another person's position for even one minute."
The study also found the same genetic sequence lacked the protein responsible for critical thinking and resistance to false equivalencies.
Depressing rant alert: We own this.
You, me, and every single one of us. I'm not a Democrat. I never loved Hillary. But I'm a woman, a Jew, someone with many friends of color, LGBTQ friends. I'm not here to assign blame, because honestly, I don't need to. The blame is in the mirror. It lies with each and every single one of us for what can only be characterized as the most epic of epic fails since adoption of the term "epic fail."
It's not Bernie Bros, or Jill Stein, or Juilan Assange, or Wikileaks, or rednecks, or hippies, or the rural voting bloc, or Putin, or coastal elites, or CNN, or third party voters, or Wall Street, or Sean Hannity, or Rachel Maddow, or "disaffected white voters" with "deeply held religious beliefs."
It's all of us. It's every single last one of us.
I accept that, and I feel dead inside because of it. But if I can't forgive myself, then I can't forgive you, either. Like I said before, I don't want to live in an echo chamber and I won't look away from what anyone has to say about any of this.
But if you voted for Trump, all I can say is I hope you get the world you voted for. Really, I do. I hope Trump does make America great again, whatever the fuck that means. I hope he gives everyone in the country a great job. I hope we become the biggest, most beautiful nation in the whole wide world making zillion dollar widgets for the entire galaxy. I hope you get back whatever it is you think you've been robbed of by China or immigrants or the Clinton Foundation or whoever the fuck the Enemy du Jour is.
And I'll be happy for you when you do.
But until then, let's take a minute to acknowledge what's happening out in the streets right now. Let's take a minute to acknowledge that white supremacy is now out, proud, and normalized. Middle school children shouting "BUILD THE WALL." People carving Swastikas and flying Nazi flags in San Francisco, in "protest" or otherwise. People screaming "NIGGER." Don't gaslight yourself and others and tell yourselves it's not happening.
It. Is. Fucking. Happening.
And if you're white, it doesn't matter. Or it matters less. For everyone else, this is not your country anymore, if it ever was. And yes, there are protests against it, which in turn incite even more violence. Does that make things better? No, it doesn't, because we are all boiling like frogs together in the great melting pot now filled to the brim with the toxic sludge of normalized bigotry.
It's going to get worse, and eventually--sooner rather than later in the interest of sanity--I will stop using this blog to complain about it, and go back to writing bullshit jokes about my kids' messy rooms and Nutella like I used to. But I'm not going to stop fighting against this atmosphere each and every one of us has helped to create here.
In 2016.
Like I said, I accept my role in it. I feel dead inside because of it. And each of you who actively championed a sociopathic, megalomaniacal bigot to do this to us is dead to me, too.
So today I'll take care of my kids, and spend all day thinking about the veterans, including my grandfather (who is surely rolling in his grave), and soldiers before and after him who died fighting for literally the exact opposite of what we are all now forced to reckon with.
If I wasn't an unrepentant atheist, I'd say God help us all, but instead I'll just say good luck and Happy Veterans Day.
I can't stop writing about this, because I can't stop thinking about it. And if you read this blog you already know. I'm in a state of despair, brought on by our country's facile willingness to shoot itself in the civic face. I know a lot of you reading this feel the same way. You already know we have crossed the Rubicon from the realm of politics and sore losing into something much more significant.
I also know a lot of you don't believe that, and maybe you never will, and that's okay. I want to know what you're saying and thinking. I refuse to help construct my own isolationist echo chamber by pushing buttons and looking away.
But it's like that Red Hot Chili Peppers song, "If you have to ask, you'll never know." If you have to ask why I'm despairing that we elected an intellectually stunted boor with a sixth grade vocabulary who is endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan, has never led a thing in his life other than his hands into a beauty pageant contestant's pants, managed to lose billions of dollars on liquor and casinos, and has made this country uglier and less safe in 18 months than it's ever been in living memory, then I guess you'll never know.
6:45 a.m.: You wake up feeling hungover, and not in a fun, "day after one too many margaritas" kind of a way. Hungover in a drained, bleary, red-eyed "something-bad-just-happened-but-you-can't-quite-remember-what-it-was" kind of a way. And then you remember why you feel like shit. OH MY GOD. THEY WALK AMONG US. Fully half of the humans in America--that's EVERY OTHER PERSON on the STREET (statistically speaking)--is TOTALLY FINE with having Donald Trump in the White House. Donald Fucking Trump, whose gold-plated, ass-grabbing shenanigans and brand-named bottled water you grew up around as the laughing stock of New York City, along with the entire, interminable administration of that sweaty, jowly blowhard Rudy Giuliani. You feel like you're in the Upside Down on Stranger Things.
8:00 a.m.: You know you're going to have to see them today, whoever they are. The fake smiling ones who you know for a fact helped put him there. It's not even about him of course. And it's definitely not about you. They had their reasons. They don't want you to die or anything. Then why do you feel sick? Why do you feel like it's a personal affront? They're not neo-Nazis, at least not that you know of. But because they're not Muslim, or gay, or Jewish, or disabled, or an immigrant, they can afford to pull the lever--directly or indirectly--for someone who has emboldened white supremacy and swastika graffiti ("protest" or otherwise) in 2016 Philadelphia and act like it's no big deal. And though some of them are women, they're not bothered, you suppose? So you cry at the drive-through coffee shack, and ask for your stupid 12 oz. almond milk latte. You look up into the eyes of a girl with a nose ring who's young enough to be named Madison. "There's a crazy person running our country," you sob helplessly, involuntarily. Madison looks at you with a poker-faced, impersonal sympathy. "Maybe it'll all work out," she says, shrugging. It's impossible to tell whose "side" she's on.
Every now and then, you need your mom. I'm extremely fortunate that mine is still alive, still of sound mind and body at age 71, and working full time as a public health physician and psychiatrist. Frankly, I've never needed my mother and a shrink more than I do today, so I asked her to write a guest blog. I've made the same request of her on several other occasions like here on couples therapy, here on accepting what's possible, and here on 70 things she's learned by age 70.
Those of you who know and love my mother know she always has a comforting and insightful word for everything and everyone. Here's what she has to say about the country we woke up to this morning, slightly edited by O.H.M. for clarity:
What this Election Has Taught Me
Like most hard-core citizens of New York City, I live in a bubble that could not imagine any viable path by which Donald Trump could become president. So last night was a time of shock and mourning.
1. Denial: This can't be happening. How can this be happening? All the polls said she would win. Common sense and decency said so! Also the internet. And memes. There were so many good meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemes. Seriously?! Why God, WHY!?!!?
2. Anger: Oh my God. We live in a country full of neo-Nazi fascists who want me and my family dead. These people will lynch my friends from a tree. Holy shit. We're all going to a concentration camp and getting hanged and raped by the KKK. We're being driven over the precipce by an incompetent sociopath! He's going to nuke us all in the first 100 days in a giant mushroom cloud of hairspray and atomic warfare. Fucking third party voters man. Fucking Jill Stein! FUCK ALL Y'ALL!!! I'M MOVING TO CANADA!!!! WE ARE BIGLY FUCKED DOWN HERE!
NOTE: In this blog post, Libby urges everyone to vote for Hillary Clinton:
Do it for your mother.
Do it for your grandmother.
Do it for your daughters and nieces.
Do it for the American women, nasty or not, who aren't alive to see today.
Do it for the women who are living under oppression all over the world.
Do it for the girls who can't go to school.
Do it for the child brides.
Do it for Ida B. Wells, Susan B. Anthony, and the Suffragettes.
Do it for the 19th Amendment.
Do it for the rape victims.
Do it for everyone who ever said you were bad at math and science.
Do it for everyone who stood in the way of your promotion at work.
Do it for everyone who shamed you for breastfeeding your baby in public.
Do it for everyone who wants you to sit down, shut up, and look pretty.
Do it for every man who touched you without permission.
Do it for every man who stalked you.
Do it for every man who hit you.
Do it for every man who threatened you.
Do it for every man who yelled at you and made you feel small.
Do it for every man who made fun of your looks.
Do it for everyone who told you to smile when you didn't feel like smiling.
Do it for anyone who ever shamed you for crying.
Do it for anyone who tells you that you can't.
Do it for the trolls.
Do it for a society that tells you that you only matter while you're young and beautiful.
Do it for people of color.
Do it for the disabled.
Do it for the immigrants who built this country and keep it going.
Do it to rebuke white supremacy.
Do it to rebuke bigotry.
Do it to rebuke misogyny.
Do it to make history.
Do it to make a statement.
Do it to make a difference.
Do it to send a message.
Do it to set an example.
Do it for your country.
Do it for your economy.
Do it for science.
Do it for the planet.
Do it for national security and global legitimacy.
Do it in a pants suit, a miniskirt, or your pajamas.
Do it quietly and alone.
Do it even though it's imperfect--flawed, even.
Do it for yourself.
No matter why you do it, just do it. C'mon bitches, we got this. Let's do this shit.
Democratitis is a serious, contagious, airborne illness endemic to the United States and most prevalent in the summer and fall months of even-numbered years. It can also be transmitted by contact with donkeys, elephants, and eagles, and if left untreated, may result in profound disillusionment and/or death.
Democratitis is most common among 18-65 year-old Americans, particularly those who maintain a steady diet of hourly information from an algorithm-curated internet echo chamber delivered by social media.
Contact your health care provider immediately if you experience any of the following:
- Intermittent Wiki-leaking from your Assange.
- Hard, messy data dumps.
- Hacking cough.
- Depression, anxiety, and shortness of breath.
- Mysterious pangs in your legislated lady parts.
- Migraine headaches.
- Nausea and vomiting.
- Acute pain in the feels.
- Carotenemia (increased orange pigment in the skin).
- Blood coming out of your whatever.
- Suddenly going from a "10" to a "5."
- Losing.
Dear Donald Trump,
Tweet this:
SUUUUUUCK 
MAHHHHHH
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!
To Whom It May Concern:
You have been identified as a natural person who might not vote for Donald J. Trump in the United States general presidential election presently scheduled for November 8, 2016.
We represent Mr. Trump, and write to inform you that our firm will be filing a certified class action complaint and
Very Truly Yours,
James T. Dipshit, Parnter
Dipshit, Dickhead, and Douchebag, LLC
What I see when I look at this face has nothing to do with politics. I look at Hillary Clinton, and I can't help but see my mother, my grandmother, and my professional mentors.
Donald Trump's comments this week implying that "Second Amendment People" should perhaps take up arms against his opponent, Hillary Clinton, did not sit particularly well with two groups of other Amendment People whom Mr. Trump has pretty much categorically alienated through threats to deport them and fondle their boobs: Fifteenth Amendment People, a.k.a. people of color, and Nineteenth Amendment People, a.k.a. women.
According to polls and census figures, these two Amendment Peoples outnumber (with statistically insignificant overlap) the Second Amendment People to whom Mr. Trump's arguable assassination invitation was so graciously extended. Accordingly, these two Amendment Peoples present a serious problem for Mr. Trump's electoral prospects.
Amendment Peoples with whom Mr. Trump appears less concerned are the Fourth Amendment People, a.k.a. suspected terries of Muslim descent, people with brown pigmentation, and anyone with a funny accent; and perhaps the Sixth Amendment People, whom Mr. Trump believes should be punished without a trial like his boyfriend Vlad Putin is fond of doing.
Along those same lines, Mr. Trump also has taken issue with First Amendment People such as "The Media," so he is likely to crack down on those as well if he's elected, though it should be noted Mr. Trump himself has flirted with the "time, place, and manner" restrictions placed on First Amendment People, as the Secret Service was forced to investigate his semi-veiled threat against Mrs. Clinton.
Needless to say, all of this will likely cause the 21st/18th Amendment People (a.k.a. prohibition/repeal) to begin vigorous exercise of their constitutional rights.
Come January, it will be nice to have a real constitutional scholar in office after eight years of having a fake one preside over the executive branch.
UPDATE: Ms. Bakalar attended the Women's March in Wash DC and blogged about it. She also discussed in a very positive manner on Facebook the recent protest/march re: Immigration/travel restrictions that took place in Juneau.
UPDATE: Today (Feb. 3, 2017) on Facebook, Ms. Bakalar wrote this: Fellow moms, teachers, and other Alaskans who care about our kids' schools and futures: consider participating in this telethon today to ask Senator Sullivan to vote NO on DeVos.
2. Ms. Bakalar's Posts about Planned Parenthood and the NRA:
From the shadowy cabal that brought you the "Planned Parenthood-Sells-Baby-Parts" hoax comes a sweet, crunchy, chewy, tender, ESCANDALO aimed at the Girl Scouts. And if you have even two brain cells to rub together, it will make you barf up the half-dozen frozen thin mints you just ate for breakfast.
It's Girl Scout cookie season, which means it's time to escort my second-grade daughter door-to-door and hit up my colleagues and neighbors for cookie orders. That way, people who love Girl Scout Cookies can have their delicious processed crap fix, and my kid can feel proud of herself while she makes change for a five and gets psyched up about camp-outs.
It's also once again time for the American Life League and similar organizations to sell half-baked lies to anyone willing to pop them in their mouths and gobble 'em down without chewing.
This year, the organizers of "CookieCott" want 'Murica to believe that the Girl Scouts has a "partnership" with Planned Parenthood, and that if you buy six boxes of Tagalongs and three boxes of Samoas from your next door neighbor, you might as well be reaching into a teenage girl's 20-weeks pregnant uterus and committing infanticide with your own two hands.
The Girl Scouts--accused in the foregoing circles of having a "radical feminist agenda," "leftist politics," and a "pro-abortion mind-set"--has denied any relationship with Planned Parenthood, which let's say for the sake of argument would be a bad thing in the first place.
But of course, that doesn't stop people who are deeply committed to defaming and destroying any organization or entity that promotes the strength, autonomy, health, and well-being of girls and women. See, other than being the wholly undeserving target of a slanderous, libelous, preposterous urban legend, that's one dubious distinction that the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood actually do share in common.
Because that's what this is really all about, isn't it? No one in their right mind actually believes that Planned Parenthood sells baby parts. Or sells baby parts to the Girl Scouts so a Brownie troop can make badges out of fetal tissue and mix up a batch of Trefoils with aborted cord blood as the second ingredient after partially hydrogenated soybean oil. Well, maybe a few gullible consumers of this bullshit believe that, but I guarantee none of its purveyors do.
Let's get real. This is about empowerment, or more aptly, disempowerment.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON, D.C., UNITED STATES CAPITOL BUILDING
The United States Congress today has reached a historic compromise in the battle over the Second Amendment and the regulation (or non-regulation, as the case may be) of firearms in America.
"We finally have the two-thirds majority votes we need to amend the constitution and make the National Rifle Association a fourth co-equal branch of government," said Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, who yesterday was one of 53 senators rejecting numerous measures to keep avowed members of ISIS and plain vanilla lunatics from getting their hands on assault weapons more easily than they could a bottle of unpasteurized milk.
"It's about time we take decisive action, and no representative in this body will rest--nor should they--until every man, woman, and child in America either amasses their own personal arsenal of rocket-propelled grenades and hollow-point bullets OR is shot and killed by one," Senator McConnell said during a press conference from the Capitol this morning.
Wayne LaPierre, CEO and Vice President of the NRA, threw his full-throttled support behind Congress's decision lock, stock, and barrel. "It's about time we revisited the tripartite system of government that has defined our Republic since its birth," said Mr. LaPierre.
"In the wake of recent tragedies, it's become painfully apparent that the executive, judiciary, and legislative branches need some help from the NRA. We are delighted that Congress will be formally seeking to amend the Constitution to make the NRA the fourth co-equal branch of government. That should finally stop all The Bad Guys by making sure all The Good Guys shoot them in a near daily reenactment of the Alamo/an old rerun of G.I. Joe. We were hoping Congress would just delete the entire Constitution and replace it with the text of the Second Amendment, but we'll take what we can get."
The new $20 bill will feature Mr. LaPierre on the front and the NRA insignia on the back. Plans are also underway to carve Mr. LaPierre's likeness into Mount Rushmore, and replace the bald eagle with the Bushmaster M16 as America's national symbol.
Then here's how this article from The Huffington Post would read:
WASHINGTON -- House Republicans created a special committee on Wednesday to investigate abortions, mass shootings, fetal tissue assault rifle procurement, and the use of federal funds at Planned Parenthood the NRA.
Lawmakers voted 242-184 on a resolution establishing the committee, which will function as an Energy and Commerce subcommittee and will have the power to subpoena documents and testimony. Its stated mission, among other things, is to examine "medical background-check procedures and business practices used by entities involved in fetal tissue "weapons procurement" and "federal funding and support for abortion providers the NRA."
The special committee comes a few months days after anti-abortion activists released a series of heavily edited undercover videos that purported to show the family planning provider breaking the law by selling fetal tissue after abortions the most recent of nearly 300 mass shootings this year. Multiple state investigations and a federal investigation by the Energy and Commerce Committee have so far been unable to find any facts to support that claim the claim that reasonable regulation of assault weapons wouldn't help curb deaths during mass shooting events.
Planned Parenthood The NRA, which legally accepts money to cover the costs of transporting donated fetal tissue to medical researchers, lobbying Congress on behalf of the weapons manufacturing industry has slammed the videos shootings as "deceptively edited" the work of mental illness and denies any wrongdoing.
During Wednesday's debate, Republicans couldn't say that Planned Parenthood the NRA broke any laws. Instead, they railed against abortion mass shootings in general and described how disgusting it was to see videos of fetal tissue being removed from aborted fetuses innocent people lose their lives to senseless gun violence.
"It's one of the most repulsive things to watch," Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.) said.
"Even if Planned Parenthood the NRA complied with the law, it's clear we need to learn more about their barbaric tactics so we can amend those laws and ensure these practices never happen again," Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) said.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
LaPierre on the Chair: The NRA's Answer to Elf on the ShelfHere's a new Christmas tradition (in addition to the mass shooting massacres that seem to happen with reliable frequency around this time of year, I mean). It's modeled on Elf on the Shelf and the Jewish spinoff version, Mensch on a Bench, and it's perfect for that Second Amendment redneck confederate-flag waving wingnut zealot who has everything (we all know one).
It's called LaPierre on a Chair.
It's a little bobblehead of Wayne LaPierre, executive VP of the NRA and Voldermort doppelganger. And just like the Elf on the Shelf or the Mensch on a Bench, you deploy little LaPierre between Thanksgiving and Christmas to see whether you've been naughty enough to need a background check or will just be allowed to purchase an assault rifle at WalMart or a gun show like all the nice little girls and boys.
You keep moving him around strategic locations in your house and he sort of stands guard to make sure Obama isn't coming for your stash of ammo. He also has a little button on his pedestal that you can push every time there's another school, office, or movie theater shooting and he will offer his pre-recorded platitudinous "thoughts and prayers" and shrill, Gestapo-like calls for even more artillery in civilian hands as the obvious solution to this little problem we have in 'Murica.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
The NRA Rewrites Our National Anthem
Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we payed toward Congressional hearings
Our big dollars and guns, won this terrible fight,
All the laws that we bought, moms and kids can keep dreaming!
Screw the public that's scared, rifles shooting in air,
Give proof we're a blight, and we just do not care.
Oh, say, can you see, we're sending people to an early graaaave
For a small annual feeeeeeee, we're completely depraved!
They say we’re a nation of laws
But you wouldn’t quite know it because
Many people per day
Are blasted away
By assault rifles in the wrong paws.
Just because we can own guns
Doesn’t mean we should be number one
In shootings per week
It’s pretty damn bleak
For moms, daughters, fathers, and sons.
‘Cause you can’t count on going to school
Or the movies or work or the pool
Without getting shot in the face
It’s a major disgrace
Well whatever--a gun's just a tool.
But we have a Congress in league
With the NRA lobby’s blitzkrieg
If they had their way
We’d all spend every day
Dressed in cammo and battle fatigues.
That's what my mom claims anyway. She's turning 71 next week, and sometime around age 23 or so, I started to realize that I actually didn't know everything. So I started voluntarily seeking pearls of wisdom from my elders.
Donald Trump. ISIS. Brexit. The NRA's unholy union with Congress. Syria. Venezuelan famine. Recessions. The whole MIddle East shit show. Climate Change. Racism. Sexism. Xenophobia. Homophobia.
Undeniably, the world seems to be in bad shape; maybe worse than it's ever been. But is that really just a matter of perspective? My mom seems to think so.
"Seriously, Mom. Is this the worst it's ever been?," I asked on her last visit here.
C. Ms. Bakalar's opinion on Christians:
Note: Ms. Bakalar is very vocal in her mockery of fundamental Christians on her blog. They are one of her favorite targets.
Ms. Bakalar on MIchelle Duggar:
Time to shut your green bean casserole and marshmallow Jello-mold-hole, M. Duggs, and just quit while you're ahead. Because I promise: the sharts that come out of your mouth are way more disgusting than anything a transgender person has ever done while using a public restroom.
The star of TLC's unwatchable "19 Kids and Counting" (alternate title: "Michelle Duggar's Vagina is a Clown Car") is learning his scripture the hard way this week.
Ms. Bakalar on a pastor:
Rick Scarborough, a prominent wing-a-ding-a-ling-nut pastor from Texas and most likely John Hagee's number one bottom bitch, is threatening to set himself on fire if SCOTUS rules that gay people can get mawwwieed this summer. "We will burn," were his exact words. He also offered to be "shot" rather than continue to live in a world where more attractive people than him with better clothes and taste in music get to eat a piece of wedding cake.
I have exactly four words for this: Fuck to the YES!
Not to put too fine a point on it: I would give ANYTHING to see this stunt queen douse himself with paint thinner from Home Depot, strike a match, and set himself ablaze on The Washington Mall. This has now become the main reason I want SCOTUS to give 18 thumbs up to gay marriage this summer.
Say what you will about her views on same sex marriage (I don't agree with them either) but let's be honest: Kim Davis is really on to something when it comes to this whole "doing my job is against my religion" thing. I totally need to model this, because it is seriously a golden ticket for life excuses and not doing all KINDS of shit.
I can't even begin to enumerate the number of things that are "against my religion": dealing with assholes; emptying the dishwasher; making small talk when I'm not in the mood; paying my bills; Apple tech support; dust mites. I could go on and on!
You have to admit, K.D. (I like to call her K.D., after the celebrated lesbian singer-songwriter K.D. Lang) has really stumbled upon an ingenious formula for avoidance of unpleasant obligations: just say whatever it happens to be is against your religion. Then get super famous and compared to Rosa Parks and Holocaust victims simply for being stubborn as a mule and insisting that the world and everyone in it should bend to your delusions rather than continue to march on to the beat of reality.
I can't wait to float this one past my boss on Tuesday morning. She's gonna LOVE it.
There once was a gal from Kentucky
Her career choice was rather unlucky
She’s two centuries late
On church versus state
And her bigotry’s really quite yucky.
But far more than yucky, it’s wrong
She legally cannot prolong
Giving license to wed
She is rather misled
Or perhaps she's been smoking a bong.
The Supreme Court has told her she must
But she maintains that this is unjust!
For in her addled mind
With God's word she's aligned
While defiling the whole public trust.
See the problem we have with democracy
Is it doesn't mix well with theocracy
You get folks like Kim Davis
Acting downright audacious
In a secular, neutral bureaucracy.
If you want to be doing God's work
Then don't be a government clerk
The Supreme Court has spoken
Your resolve is unbroken
And it's driving the country berserk.
You're running a circus for now
No one is quite sure just how
Long we can stand
Your dumb line in the sand
That SCOTUS has just disavowed.
If you don't believe gay folks should marry
'Cause the Bible has made you too wary
Then just leave us alone
And go pray on your own
Even God thinks your face is too scary.
21st Century Fox CEO Rupert Murdoch pretty much set the Interwebs ablaze on Monday when he suggested that refugees from Syria should have to "prove" their "Christianity" before being granted asylum in the United States, where--per my seventh grade civics text book--the separation of church and state remains a fundamental precept. The Australian-born, multi-bazillionaire, albino California raisin tweeted this:
Obama facing enormous opposition in accepting refugees. Maybe make special exception for proven Christians.
WOW. That is SUCH a good idea! Can I PLEASE write the quiz that gets handed out at the border? Each refugee will need to score at least a 7 on this quiz to prove their Christianity, otherwise they have to go back to the bombed-out kitty litter box from whence they came.
I mean, that's only fair.
Here are the ten probing questions by which Syrian refugees will assert and prove their allegiance to The Lord Jesus Christ and thereby gain admission into our secular democracy:
1. The appropriate design of a Starbucks cup is:
(a) Jesus on the cross.
(b) Plain red.
(c) Puppies in scarves and snowmen on sleds.
(d) None of the above.
2. Kim Davis is:
(a) An alias for hip-hop star Lil' Kim.
(b) A modern-day self-proclaimed Christian soldier who refused to do her government job.
(c) A complete wingnut.
(d) Both (b) and (c).
3. Michelle Duggar has how many kids?
(a) 19 and counting.
(b) 12, one for each apostle.
(c) A Googleplex
(d) Who's Michelle Duggar?
4. The main dish served at The Last Supper was:
(a) Hummus and lamb kabobs.
(b) Jello mold with marshmallows.
(c) Green bean casserole.
(d) Bread.
5. What were the pyramids in Ancient Egypt for?
(a) Storing grain.
(b) Entombing dead pharaohs.
(c) Early, elaborate sand castles.
(d) Landmarks for extra-terrestrials.
6. How many bubbles are in a bar of soap?
(a) As many as God wills there to be.
(b) What does soap have to do with it?
(c) It doesn't matter. The point is cleanliness is next to Godliness.
(d) A few less than Michelle Duggar has kids.
7. What was Jesus's favorite brand of coffee?
(a) Starbucks.
(b) Kirk Cameron's signature Christian coffee.
(c) Decaf Folgers.
(d) Not applicable. He only drank wine.
8. What was God's gift to Rupert Murdoch?
(a) Sick dentures.
(b) Dope suits.
(c) A shit-ton of money.
(d) All of the above.
9. What is the best band/musician ever in the history of the whole entire world?
(a) Creed.
(b) Ted Nugent.
(c) Amy Grant.
(d) Slayer.
10. What is the most important thing you can do to prove you are Christian?
(a) Get rid of scary head covering.
(b) Change funny-sounding, unpronounceable name to Jimmy-Bob Jones.
(c) Score a 7 or above on this test.
(d) All of the above.
1. It's topped with communion wafers instead of pepperoni.
2. It was served at the last supper.
3. It was made in Indiana, Arkansas, or North Dakota.
4. Indiana governor Mike Pence ordered it for his last cabinet meeting.
5. It's not gay.
6. It was cooked in hellfire on a brimstone.
7. The face of Jesus appears in a pattern of cheese bubbles.
8. You start speaking in tongues after you eat it.
9. If you're not saved within 30 minutes of eating it, it's free.
10. The Book of Revelations is printed on the box.
Note: Why doesn't she call out Muslims re: LGBT issues?
Here is an essay where Ms. Bakalar mocks a prominent Christian actor Kirk Cameron:
Children of the '80s: I hope you're sitting down, because I have a bombshell piece of news to report, and for a nice change of pace, it's actually happy news.
One of my friends recently alerted me to the fact that Kirk Cameron of Growing Pains fame has his own brand of coffee beans! As I write this, I am drinking a cup of break-room Costco Kirkland (no pun intended) brand coffee with my lunch and wishing--no, praying--that I had something better. Like Kirk Cameron's coffee, for example, which has somehow been blessed by the hand of God, despite the fact that you thought (up until today) that coffee beans and religion have about as much in common with one another as fish and bicycles.
Everyone knows that coffee is the new wine, and that Jesus turned water into wine, and that therefore it's a small leap from there to a delicious cup of sacred coffee. Also, everyone knows that you might as well give yourself a Folgers enema if you're not brewing your coffee cup-by-cup in a stove-top espresso maker using the finest small-batch, craft-roasted, free-trade, responsibly-sourced, shade-grown, fresh-ground, non-GMO organic beans available in the cloud forests of Indonesia.
Seriously, your coffee needs to be modified by at least three hyphenated adjectives to be worth drinking.
So what does a fancy cup of coffee have to do with ISIS, porn, evolution, dead baby heads, and religion? Well nothing, except that the proceeds from this fancy cup of coffee will help save Christmas (somehow, still not sure how), while all those other things are systematically taking December 25 and (somehow, also still not sure how) stomping it into tiny little shards like so many delicate ornaments.
Cue evil laugh: MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!
D. Ms. Bakalar's opinions regarding race:
Wow. This place is DOPE. Where do these people get all their money? Let me see if I can deduce it from photos and diplomas. Ah! Something to do with exchanging assets for other people or something? Of course. I get it now . . .
Wow this bathtub is ridiculous! How do you use this faucet/toaster/coffee maker/TV? I can't believe people just let strangers live in their house like this . . .
OMG. This is the blondest and whitest family ever. They have Jesus and German paraphernalia all over the place, too. I wonder if they're secretly neo-Nazis who want Trump to get elected and genocide my family? Is "genocide" even a verb? I know I'm being really judgmental right now, but seriously, under the right circumstances? They would totes ethic cleanse me if they could I bet . . .
To: White People
From: White Person
Re: Not Being a Shit Head
cc: Humanity
__________________________________________________________________________
These are trying times for humanity, but this one tiny thing really isn't so hard. Or at least it shouldn't be. Don't be a shit head. Seriously, it's that simple.
If a black person tries to tell you that black lives matter, don't turn around and wag your white finger at them and be all like, "MYYYAAAH ALL lives matter," because that is STUPID AF and actually instantly turns you into a ginormous shit head!
If a person of color tries to tell you that their life experience is different and actually sort of shitty because society is set up to make life generally and systematically a lot easier in white skin--everywhere--maybe take their word for it and listen with empathy instead of getting defensive and being a FUCKING SHIT HEAD about it.
Don't try to deny what they're saying because it hurts you in the feels, because again, that is STUPID AF and makes you what you should try at all costs to avoid being: a complete, total, utter, unmitigated, hopeless, and unrepentant shit head.
Follow Black Twitter, read articles and op-eds by people of color, and/or go to a protest. I don't care. Just do something. Something, I mean, besides being a shit head. Strike that: do whatever the fuck you have to do to NOT be a shit head.
GAAAAHHHHH!!!
How many times must we go over this? For reals. Once again, this is not that hard, and it's starting to become embarrassing, to say the very least. It shouldn't take long explanations and academic articles and all sorts of other shit for you to just NOT be a shit head. Literally, functioning society depends on you not being a goddamned motherfucking shit head anymore, even though you've probably been one for most of your life without even realizing it.
M'kay? Thanks!
P.S. If you're straight and male, sorry, but this plea to not be a shit head goes triple for you.
I've written directly about race exactly twice on this blog: Once in a post called "White Privilege and The Limits of Denial," and then more recently in a post called "Why My Opinion of #BlackLivesMatter Doesn't Matter."
I'll make it an even three, because it's also inherent to white privilege to be part of a default privileged race, and not have to be conscious of my race in the way people of color are forced to be in America and around the world. So I get to just write about this issue a few times and be done with it, instead of living it every day, and that in and of itself is the essence of privilege.
But I digress.
White people get very defensive when we talk about "privilege." Someone said to me recently, "people can't help being born white or privileged. But to call them out as bad or racist because of it isn't any fairer than saying someone born into poverty chooses that and is a taker because of it. Isn't it up to us to acknowledge that we do get treated differently and it isn't right, rather than assuming that everyone is either ignorant or abuses the privileged situation purposely."
I totally agree with the part of this statement that I highlighted above. But I think the rest sort of misses the point.
In my opinion, white people inferring that they are being called racist or bad when their privilege is noted--even if they ARE being called that, and whether it's true or not--is basically just a self-punishing and defensive inference and reaction that distracts from the task at hand. That task is to listen and focus on what black people are saying and experiencing right now, instead of always turning the "conversation" back on ourselves and bristling at our own reactions and guilt.
It pains me to use the pronoun "we" and "our" here, but it's the truth. Yeah, I am white and privileged and I "feel bad" about that, but who cares? That's not really the point of the conversation. White feelings are not the point. Saying "it's not fair to call people out for privilege" is one step removed from the whole #AllLivesMatter malarkey. It's all part of the same white-centric perspective that directs us to always turn the dialogue back on ourselves, and make it all about our experiences, rather than focusing in a very direct way on what should really be happening among white people: a whole lot more listening to black people, and a whole lot less defending ourselves.
Again, I’m more or less rewriting large parts of Mr. Brooks' column word for word, but just making a few critical substitutions in order to shift the perspective a little bit.
Dear David Brooks,
Your last column has been an education for me. There has been a powerful depth of cluelessness on the white side of the conversation about Ferguson, Baltimore, Charleston, and the other killings that has been humbling and instructive.
Your column, “Listening to Ta-Nehisi Coates While White” is a shockingly tone deaf contribution to this public education. It’s a mind-blowing account of white privilege and obliviousness. Every conscientious American should read it.
There is a pervasive presumptuousness to your column—the elemental privilege of living in a white body in America. Outside anywhere, you must realize, white men control almost everything that matters--most of all the fate of their bodies--which are less frequently commandeered by rapists and police officers than their black and/or female counterparts.
Written as a letter to Mr. Coates, you improbably try to compare your experience to his. The disturbing challenge of your column is your inability to appreciate the experiences of anyone who isn’t a middle-aged white man and their inability to dream the “American Dream” in the same way. Your ancestors chose to come here. For you, slavery is just a chapter in a grade school text book.
I read this all like a slap and a revelation. I suppose the first obligation is to sit with it, to make sure the baffling, blundering nature of your words fully sinks in. But I have to ask: Am I displaying my absence of cluelessness if I disagree? Is it my job just to respect your experience and accept your conclusions? Do I have standing to call you out on your bullshit?
And if I have standing, I find the causation between the legacy of lynching and some guy's decision to commit a crime perfectly adequate, notwithstanding the complexity of most individual choices.
I think you distort American history. This country, like each person in it, is still a myth of equality. There's still maybe one Lincoln to every 100 Jefferson Davises, at least when it's a matter of life and death. Violence is embedded in America, but it is not close to the totality of your America, and that's why you don't see it.
In your flippant dismissal of the tone of anger some people adopt to describe the myth of the American dream, you accept the dream itself as a given. But a dream sullied is not a lie (to you), because it's not sullied for you in the first place. The American dream of equal opportunity, social mobility, and ever more perfect democracy continues to be more accessible to you than anyone else, even in 2015. By accepting the uniform availability of the dream under a cloud of excessive delusion, you reveal the depth of your privilege and ignorance.
Maybe you will find my reactions irksome. Maybe the right white response is just silence for a change. So why didn't you just remain silent, then?
Who the hell knows.
E. Ms. Bakalar's opinion regarding U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia:
It is vengeful and wrong to rejoice in another person's death. I truly believe that. Just because you disagree with someone, that doesn't mean you should dance on their grave. It's unseemly and it's inhumane. Everyone is a person. Almost everyone has people that care about them and grieve their loss.
On the other hand, I don't believe that when you die, you automatically get a pass on everything you've done in life. It can't possibly be that certain people, so virulently unkind in life, are automatically transformed into wonderful human beings once deceased. Particularly when you are a public figure whose actions have impacted so many people.
And so it is, in my view, with Antonin Scalia. He held a lifetime appointment to what is arguably the most important and influential judicial body in the world. And he had a brilliant and creative intellect. But he said--and in some cases enshrined in the legal canon forever, and with lasting consequences--so many abusive, cruel, and abhorrent things, that at a minimum, it's easy for me at least--both as a law dork and someone who thinks all humans should be treated equally--to rejoice in the fact that he will no longer sit on the United States Supreme Court.
The fate of women, prisoners, gay people, minorities, and other oppressed demographics in this country met with no sympathy at Justice Scalia's pen. Under Scalia's "strict construction" of the constitution--and its logical outcome--black people were stupid and didn't belong in good colleges. Women could and should be discriminated against on the basis of gender. Gay people were disgusting abominations of nature whose love for one another should be criminalized like murder. Executing innocent prisoners was perfectly fine.
In short, the hegemonic systems of repression that have kept a small minority of white men--men like Scalia--in positions of power for so long in this country--and not just in power, but in the role of a collective oppressor--should be maintained because that's what the founding fathers wanted.
That is wrong, I think, both legally and morally.
If social progress in America has any true meaning, the country will mourn Scalia's death as a human being, granting him the grace, compassion, and good will he was so prone to withholding from everyone else in his own life's work.
SUMMARY: Ms. Bakalar blogs about the US Presidential Election, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, terrorism, race, religion, Planned Parenthood, the NRA, guns on campus, religious invocations at Kenai Assembly meetings, the US Supreme Court, AK Supreme Court appointments, LGBTQ issues, and much more...and yet she claims she does not blog about politics.
